If we make it look easy...we are good liars

This year has certainly been change.

I was recently struck as I was many years ago when John was preaching a Discipleship Now weekend at Robert Lee...he shared some of my testimony and afterwards our oldest son came to me and said, "I never knew that..." All this time I look at you and dad and think that I can never be like you because of my past and now I see that you are just like me.  I was so broken because I thought that if anyone should have known about my past, that it would have been Earl.  I wasn't trying to hide it, but I certainly wasn't proud that my biological mom had me as a teenager and I was adopted by my grandparents.  Walked away from the Lord for a time and then after returning found myself orphaned again after my mom and later dad died both unexpectedly when I was a very young mother and bride.  Not easy stuff...I am a hot mess that was pulled from a pit to be a message.

Now, back in the town we came from in Texas, we have many friends that are struggling through getting to know their newly adopted haitian children.  In the three years since living in Haiti full time seven Haitian kiddos have joined the Parker Co. community.  We, pray for them here in Haiti and know first hand the challenges of attachment, disillusionment for them, their other children; as well as the background Haiti side for what both the parents and children are processing and desiring healing, restoration and redemption through.  The other day, one of the mother's mentioned that it always seems that we are so very happy and blessed here in Haiti.

I had the same sting as I did years back...Ouch.
I never want to project that living a life of faithfulness is easy. The cross is hard and heavy but we were created for nothing less than living with dedication and discipline daily, commitment and sacrifice because of the passionate love of our Savior.

So, can I just say that it is Worth it!  We are in love with our life and call because there is no better place to be than in God's will.  We are happy because there is a song in our heart to proclaim the Risen King but we have to claim it daily.  Abiding in the power of the Spirit has been long suffering of many lessons learned.

We are blessed by are many children because they are a gift but I am no Mother Theresa.  I battle selfishness; the heat, bugs and dirt gets to me at times.  I said it, it's true. I LOVE Haiti but like anything else year after year the new wears off and though this feels more like home than the U.S.  The only shine and silver lining is Jesus and keeping an eternal perspective that nothing on Earth is suppose to be our settled comfort zone because it's not what we live for.
Being responsible for a household of 20 is not easy...my husband is awesome and precious but he is an introvert who teaches on top of fathering and pastoring soooo, we are stretched and often broken.  How do we make it?  Seek the redeemer.  Our faithful healer whose mercies are made new every morning.  We live as a Christian family in Haiti with fifteen beautiful children and one temporary little one who was rescued from an organization busted for human trafficking whose adoption is taking forever to be completed.

I once heard someone say that living in Haiti, "The highs are high but the lows are low." Well, YES!
Our home is full of joy and energy that we wouldn't trade but it is NON-stop!  It would have it's challenges whether we lived in Canada, U.S., Haiti or Mexico- our life would be organized chaos at best.  Here, House of Moses exists with the purpose of raising young warriors full of the Word, respect, integrity and courage but it is a journey getting there when 12+ of your kiddos are in high school! We get tired.

We miss our state side friends & family-
*This is my niece's last year of high school and I missed everything...
*Our Nanaw calls and tears uncontrollably fall because we never know when it will be the last call
*After my biological mother was killed by a drunk driver this year my little brother passionately tells me how they need me there; I have another autistic brother that he has to care for almost solely on his own-I'm not there.

We embrace diversity and yet living in a different Culture is hard.  Many times it's hard to accept things you don't understand and though you can live immersed and with the people; I will never know what it is to raised in hungry or in a violent, degrading situation of poverty.  So we love and try to speak truth into situations with compassion; and can I just say that I have failed this year being very harsh at times in difficult situations.  In other moments, I stand in awe as a student humbled by the faith of committed Christians here who know what it means to be desperate for a touch from the Lord and for Him to show up and show out in their time of need. Then, ya I love haitian food but miss a hamburger and meat so stinkin' bad.  I miss the dishwasher and washing machine; conveniences that have become foreign.

Prayer...Every day living with faith for provision, patience and perseverance takes a vital step into intimacy with Christ that we've never known in this way.   It requires something of your heart and spirit in reckless abandonment.  You never know what the day or bank account will hold; just trust and trust some more but I will say that my husband John has dove heart first into a desire for purity and holiness in order to see and hear God in ways that only this kind of stripping could lead to.

So, we are here in Haiti for our third year and it is not easy but we do love it.  We love our community of friends and neighbors.  We love our large family because we have no other choice - LOL!  Our marriage supernaturally gets stronger because we work at it and have little worldly distraction to take from it like it did when we served in America.

In the last month...
- There was a mentally weak man we gave medical care to at the prison that was so badly abused and beaten that I thought it would better for him to die because he clearly knew and trusted in Jesus and the pain of his infection was unbearable for me
-Many missionary family's in our area got their homes broke into and when they called the police, they got attacked and glass bottles and rocks thrown at their home.  Upon returning to my home after prayer with them, I was hit, pushed and threatened for supporting them by the arrested person's younger brother.
-I spent a week with a lot of very hard traveling to find a surgery that we thought one of our haitian daughter's needed that she didn't and there was tons of confusion and frustration through that problem
-We've had a friend's precious angel with us for six months walking a very slow adoption with them
-My husband's disciple and Haitian brother Johnny is in an ugly custody battle for their son with very little justice system here in Haiti so that means that sometimes 3 year old Jumali comes home bloody caught in between the rage of a jealous mother when his father is just trying to pick him up from preschool

In every breath of difficulty I could name a ton of other blessings - but isn't that life...how we choose to look at things; perspective that drives our attitude.  I want to live rawly transparent so that you know life in Haiti isn't all roses and butterflies but sometimes I stand on our roof porch and see the most glorious rainbows after an afternoon Haiti storm and remember HIS promises are true and I want to be found faithful and hear the words, "Well done..."I am a beautiful disaster but so unimaginably loved by the creator of the universe and so are you.

Everyday

Feeling Alive!

What makes you feel Alive?

I love quotes that say whimsical things like, "Find what makes you feel alive and seek it with all your heart."  I believe that we all have "God" buttons within that are just how we were individually created and it's these things about our personality that give us moments in life that show us what we love, or what we are created for, the moments that make life worth it.  Mostly, because as a Christian, when we realize that our identity is found in Him alone; abundant life, purpose and being dead in our transgressions but made alive by the spirit, all come from a personal relationship with Christ.
Things like this for me have been when we used to direct youth camps and would look out over the crowd and see a thousand youth in total surrender.

There are also those things that make you pause and soak in the moment.  You know, when the world stands still and you are in a surreal moment of a fulfillment, gratitude or just plain awe.
Moments like these for me before we moved to Haiti were a Friday evening, music blaring, the kids playing in the yard and bar-b-que on the grill.  LOVIN' Life!  Or, when we are driving out to the farm in Dublin, country music on down country roads where you loose telephone reception, and then we round the last corner when the driveways come in sight and the kids start yelling, "We're there or Poppy & Nanny!" and all the world feels right...
I could name a dozen other

Living in Haiti, those moments have changed but I can actually say the happen far more frequently.
Like watching the sunset rise or set over the ocean, riding on a taxi moto blaring some Caribbean compa music (my favorite is reggae) and just soaking in the incredible scenery, or people watching the world as it flies by on a moto.

Yesterday, I had a day full of "Alive Moments!"

- I LOVE to sing and lead worship through music.  I got the opportunity to do that yesterday and was so very blessed and filled.  One of our boys played guitar and I bellowed my heart out to the creator of the universe.  I prayed that God would use it deeply and someone shared afterwards that He did and it was a cherished moment for me.

-We eat primarily Haitian food all the time, but on Sundays IF we have Velveeta blocks (which we do because the WKU team brought them - Woot! Woot!) I make American Homemade Macaroni on Sundays after church. Yesterday, I also fried bread for them to have with it!  I hope they remember these times and Sundays, holding memories of home for their whole life.
 I love to cook and feed our family.   Sitting around the table full of our awesome children as they eat, laugh and share always puts me in a peaceful awe that God has called and ordained this big family!

- I sat in bed after Sunday night prayer group and watched a movie with Terah.  Earlier, we had our discipleship meeting and also victory for me because as we talked and she responded, I patiently addressed some of her answers and pointed out how they could "smart alikey"  (Boy, almost 13 has been fun...) and taking the advice of Mr. Gordon Lipscomb, later we just hung out without agenda, watched a funny movie and laughed together.  It was great...

-THEN, to top off a glorious Sunday - my husband took our boillon (stew) pot and propane heated some water for me.  I sat in our shower and bucket bathed the most glorious HOT water bath EVER!  It felt so good and comforting and the world was so right and full in that moment!  Aw...

I felt incredibly alive yesterday and it's those days that you can hold to on the tough ones.
Thank you Lord!

What I love...

Though I OFTEN find myself humming..."Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this Mama said."  I also find myself constantly writing a status or tweeting about how much I love the things that are going to take place (if God wills) on that day...
So I thought I'd share some of those things-

Monday: I am loving that our children attend Sonlight Academy and so starting the week, getting up and in their cute uniforms just blesses me as they wake up, eat breakfast talking about all that is going to take place in their day and then walking them to school!

Tuesday:  Tuesday and Thursday is when Terah's amazing and sweet French tutor Fiona comes over!  I love Terah flourishing academically but also getting to be mentored by an awesome young Haitian girl (other than her sweet sisters) with another local missionary's daughter in her class at school.  Seeing their smiles and hearing their laughs is a blessing!

Thursday: This day exceeds limits of excitement for the greatness it holds!  FIRST is discipleship with Ms. Gail in LaPointe!!! Then, we all gear up for Community Bible Study!!!  John prepares throughout the beginning of the week for what God would speak to us through His Word, we pray over the day and hearts and we never cease to be in awe of who God draws and what He is doing in this beautiful community of the body of Christ! YES!!!

Friday:  Family Fun Fritay Friday!!!
Oh yea...we have a dinner of Haitian fried foods, a cold coke for the week, project a movie as a family and bask in our blessings!
On this day we find ourselves humming the country song, "A little bit of chicken fried..."

Saturday:  Saturday morning is John's Men's Group of purposely Raising Modern Day Knights-Men of Honor, Respect and Integrity & it's also English Club in our court yard.  Some of our staff and students along with neighbors and friends gather to learn English!  It's such a blessing to empower minds through education and fulfilling to feel that a legacy is left in these ways!

Sunday:  Church!  We have not exactly found a "Home" church in PdP but we go where John is preaching at a local Haitian fellowship.   Though hot, we love the spirit of worship and prayer!  Often, our family and children sing and as all parents we are so filled with pride, What God is doing and the blessing of Him using us through worship.
Today was amazing as not only did our kids share a song they wrote BUT the church sang, "Further Along we'll understand why, cheer up my brother, live in the light, we'll understand it more by and by."
Whoa!  There is something powerful and surreal singing that particular song in creole with Haitians that understand the face of poverty and depths of brokenness much deeper than most in the U.S.
On this day we find ourselves humming, "That's what I love about Sundays..."
Sunday nights are Prayer group night and There is Power in Prayer so this is always a night that brings unity and victory through praying over eachother, family/friends/sponsors, Haiti, the world.

What I see...

I fondly call Fridays... Family Fun Fritay Friday.  I love Fridays.  We always have fritay for dinner; in Haiti that means some type of fried meat, usually chicken or fish, homemade french fries called pom de tet, fried plantane, fried bread called marianad and sometimes a beet salad with some piklis (hot and spicy cole slaw).  We have a cold coke or sprite for the week, project a movie and watch it together; with subtitles in french of course.  

This is going to sound funny but I have many surreal moments during these family nights that I cherish.  We watch all types of movies and I remember their responses to many of them.  

Inspirational ones like Courageous when they see the commitments of men wanting to be godly husband and fathers.  

Facing the Giants when the message of faith pierces their hearts and they are assured through this film that Nothing is impossible with God (we actually took this movie to our local Haitian church to share!)  Coach Carter when they learn from the coaching lessons and cheer for (literally out loud) the underdog team.  From this movie in particular one of our students shared at the September Family meeting that when we challenge them to live with kingdom excellence in order to be strong men and woman of God; to be disciplined and live in community as a family with compassion for all that it is like the basketball player that came off the street knowing how to play street ball, but the coach told him now he had to play by his rules if he wanted to be on the team because he knew how to win championships.  Learning to play by his rules meant that the game wasn't all about him; and it was hard for him to respect and accept this but he wanted it, he worked for it and he found victory.  After his example, he simply stated I want to play for the House of Moses team.  I want this.  I will work hard and I am trusting God for victory. 

One of my most memorable was October Baby when we all connected so deeply with the young girl who desperately wanted to know her true identity but mostly that she was wanted and loved.  Tears flowed, and our breath was at times taken as I prayed over every heart in the room as we somehow grew closer in our connection because of the love that God has put between us.

Last week was the movie Freedom Writers and inspiration was so thick you could have scooped it up.  The depth of the truth that giving experiences and opportunity created greater possibility and investing in lives is worth it.  Ah, I was completely wooed by the fact that I want to take House of Moses to Cap Haitian, to the Cidadelle (google it).  What an experience of Haitian culture and history that would be for them! The investment will be worth it someday but today we need to eat so that continues to be on the prayer list if God wills.

  In these times I look around the room at the expressions on their faces...

Tonight the movie was an intense but real life story about Hope -the power of Hope.  

I truly don't know what each of you may see when you see the picture of a Haitian life part of our direct or extended family here in Haiti.  Lives that need support and sponsorship but beyond the picture they all have a story, some family, amazing hearts with strengths and insecurities and they are so worth everything this fallen world has to offer.  

We love them so much.  I am so honored to have them in our life.  I wish I could share, really share who they are with each of you and somehow it's during these "movie moments" with the blue tint of the movie reflecting from their faces that I smile knowing God is doing such a work in our of lives.