If we make it look easy...we are good liars

This year has certainly been change.

I was recently struck as I was many years ago when John was preaching a Discipleship Now weekend at Robert Lee...he shared some of my testimony and afterwards our oldest son came to me and said, "I never knew that..." All this time I look at you and dad and think that I can never be like you because of my past and now I see that you are just like me.  I was so broken because I thought that if anyone should have known about my past, that it would have been Earl.  I wasn't trying to hide it, but I certainly wasn't proud that my biological mom had me as a teenager and I was adopted by my grandparents.  Walked away from the Lord for a time and then after returning found myself orphaned again after my mom and later dad died both unexpectedly when I was a very young mother and bride.  Not easy stuff...I am a hot mess that was pulled from a pit to be a message.

Now, back in the town we came from in Texas, we have many friends that are struggling through getting to know their newly adopted haitian children.  In the three years since living in Haiti full time seven Haitian kiddos have joined the Parker Co. community.  We, pray for them here in Haiti and know first hand the challenges of attachment, disillusionment for them, their other children; as well as the background Haiti side for what both the parents and children are processing and desiring healing, restoration and redemption through.  The other day, one of the mother's mentioned that it always seems that we are so very happy and blessed here in Haiti.

I had the same sting as I did years back...Ouch.
I never want to project that living a life of faithfulness is easy. The cross is hard and heavy but we were created for nothing less than living with dedication and discipline daily, commitment and sacrifice because of the passionate love of our Savior.

So, can I just say that it is Worth it!  We are in love with our life and call because there is no better place to be than in God's will.  We are happy because there is a song in our heart to proclaim the Risen King but we have to claim it daily.  Abiding in the power of the Spirit has been long suffering of many lessons learned.

We are blessed by are many children because they are a gift but I am no Mother Theresa.  I battle selfishness; the heat, bugs and dirt gets to me at times.  I said it, it's true. I LOVE Haiti but like anything else year after year the new wears off and though this feels more like home than the U.S.  The only shine and silver lining is Jesus and keeping an eternal perspective that nothing on Earth is suppose to be our settled comfort zone because it's not what we live for.
Being responsible for a household of 20 is not easy...my husband is awesome and precious but he is an introvert who teaches on top of fathering and pastoring soooo, we are stretched and often broken.  How do we make it?  Seek the redeemer.  Our faithful healer whose mercies are made new every morning.  We live as a Christian family in Haiti with fifteen beautiful children and one temporary little one who was rescued from an organization busted for human trafficking whose adoption is taking forever to be completed.

I once heard someone say that living in Haiti, "The highs are high but the lows are low." Well, YES!
Our home is full of joy and energy that we wouldn't trade but it is NON-stop!  It would have it's challenges whether we lived in Canada, U.S., Haiti or Mexico- our life would be organized chaos at best.  Here, House of Moses exists with the purpose of raising young warriors full of the Word, respect, integrity and courage but it is a journey getting there when 12+ of your kiddos are in high school! We get tired.

We miss our state side friends & family-
*This is my niece's last year of high school and I missed everything...
*Our Nanaw calls and tears uncontrollably fall because we never know when it will be the last call
*After my biological mother was killed by a drunk driver this year my little brother passionately tells me how they need me there; I have another autistic brother that he has to care for almost solely on his own-I'm not there.

We embrace diversity and yet living in a different Culture is hard.  Many times it's hard to accept things you don't understand and though you can live immersed and with the people; I will never know what it is to raised in hungry or in a violent, degrading situation of poverty.  So we love and try to speak truth into situations with compassion; and can I just say that I have failed this year being very harsh at times in difficult situations.  In other moments, I stand in awe as a student humbled by the faith of committed Christians here who know what it means to be desperate for a touch from the Lord and for Him to show up and show out in their time of need. Then, ya I love haitian food but miss a hamburger and meat so stinkin' bad.  I miss the dishwasher and washing machine; conveniences that have become foreign.

Prayer...Every day living with faith for provision, patience and perseverance takes a vital step into intimacy with Christ that we've never known in this way.   It requires something of your heart and spirit in reckless abandonment.  You never know what the day or bank account will hold; just trust and trust some more but I will say that my husband John has dove heart first into a desire for purity and holiness in order to see and hear God in ways that only this kind of stripping could lead to.

So, we are here in Haiti for our third year and it is not easy but we do love it.  We love our community of friends and neighbors.  We love our large family because we have no other choice - LOL!  Our marriage supernaturally gets stronger because we work at it and have little worldly distraction to take from it like it did when we served in America.

In the last month...
- There was a mentally weak man we gave medical care to at the prison that was so badly abused and beaten that I thought it would better for him to die because he clearly knew and trusted in Jesus and the pain of his infection was unbearable for me
-Many missionary family's in our area got their homes broke into and when they called the police, they got attacked and glass bottles and rocks thrown at their home.  Upon returning to my home after prayer with them, I was hit, pushed and threatened for supporting them by the arrested person's younger brother.
-I spent a week with a lot of very hard traveling to find a surgery that we thought one of our haitian daughter's needed that she didn't and there was tons of confusion and frustration through that problem
-We've had a friend's precious angel with us for six months walking a very slow adoption with them
-My husband's disciple and Haitian brother Johnny is in an ugly custody battle for their son with very little justice system here in Haiti so that means that sometimes 3 year old Jumali comes home bloody caught in between the rage of a jealous mother when his father is just trying to pick him up from preschool

In every breath of difficulty I could name a ton of other blessings - but isn't that life...how we choose to look at things; perspective that drives our attitude.  I want to live rawly transparent so that you know life in Haiti isn't all roses and butterflies but sometimes I stand on our roof porch and see the most glorious rainbows after an afternoon Haiti storm and remember HIS promises are true and I want to be found faithful and hear the words, "Well done..."I am a beautiful disaster but so unimaginably loved by the creator of the universe and so are you.